How is Mary doing now?

January 25, 2006 – I have been going to see Dr. Rubenstein regularly for five and a half years. Suddenly today I leave the office with a complete bill of health. Cancer free for five years. I’m cured!

I walk out and all is normal around me. Does no one know? I’m cured. Cancer is gone. Now what?

After long anticipating the day, I am almost filled with dread. No routine blood draws? What will I do? How will I know if there is brewing some unseen enemy within my body? Sounds ridiculous to have such thoughts, should not I be leaping for joy? Why am I sad? Where did this sense of panic come from?

Dr Rubenstein, though very professional, has become a friend. I will miss seeing him, though I will not miss the reason. Karen, the only one I have trusted for years to draw my blood, will never do it again. Never has she chided me for being picky about who draws my blood. Never has she been impatient or too busy to be careful. The staff of tormentors, ah, nurses, who have walked through the process of chemo with me. To all of these I say good-bye. Not see you in a few weeks or months. Good-bye. One says to me, “Have a good life.”

A life, my life, I have one to live. Was this life returned to me by the bold innovative measures of modern medicine? I dare say, “No.” Too many times along the way there were opportunities for treatments to not work, for my lungs to never again fill with air, for chemo and radiation to become too much for my body to tolerate. All through the process of these many months God has sustained me and walked with me.

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, The help of my countenance, and my God. Psalm 43:5

To Thee, O LORD, I called, And to the Lord I made supplication: 9 "What profit is there in my blood, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise Thee? Will it declare Thy faithfulness? 10 "Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be Thou my helper." 11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; Thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, 12 That my soul may sing praise to Thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to Thee forever. Psalm 30:8-31:1

I pray that this life that Christ has returned to me will be one that is filled with praise and obedience to him.

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