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Mary's Journal: July 25


I am now officially complete with 2/3 of my treatments. I will be having a CAT scan done in two weeks. The doctors are looking to see that the tumors completely gone. If it is he says they will say that I am in remission and they will do two more Chemos to make sure that it is gone. I didn't understand that completely. If I am in remission it seems that I should be able to stop now. His only reply was that for this cancer protocol says to do a minimum of six treatments. They know that there is a great chance that this will CURE the cancer. Why mess with something that is working so well? Why take a chance on not doing enough and having it grow back. He tells me that the experts in the field have come up with six as a baseline and go up from there if need be. Four may not do the job. I certainly don't want to do a half way job and have this thing grow back. I am here for the full count, six. I have tried twice now to talk him out of it. He isn't budging.

I am very grateful that once again I have handled the treatment well. I didn't even cry one tear during the IV. :-) How would have thought. While I was there today I talked with a lady who is being treated for a second re-occurrence of breast cancer, now in her bone marrow. They are trying a new treatment on her after the one she just finished didn't work. They have given her from three months to three years to live. They really don't know what will happen. She was inspiring to me. Bright and cheerful. I wouldn't have thought that her cancer was so serious until she told me her prognosis. It made me think again how God's grace is sufficient. he gives incredible strength when it is needed for those who trust him. I will never cease to marvel at how amazing He is. How can He give such peace? I don't understand but I am truly grateful he does.

I found that my blood counts are falling. It looks that I never really recovered from my last treatment. That accounts for the reason I felt so tired during my "good" week. I didn't understand why I just wasn't shaking it and being able to do a little more for a while. They give me a shot, Procryt. I'm not sure of the spelling. it is a new drug that is being advertised to boost your energy level. What it boosts is you red blood cell production. If you are tired for any other reason it won't help, sorry. I am glad that I have come behind so much research and am able to benefit from it.

Our family is falling more into a routine of caring for Mom. The children are doing better. I see they need lots of special attention, especially the older four. Jesse and Elizabeth always needs lot of loving and cuddling. It is difficult to give them all the one on one time they each need but we are trying. It becomes more difficult for me when worry, frustration, weariness manifests itself in undesirable behavior. (Was that diplomatic?) I see God working in my heart making that easier. I need compassion toward them. This is a scary time and they need me to help them through it. Thank you for praying for them an Doug and I, Don't stop now! You can also pray for my heart to be calm about radiation and that the CAT Scan will be clear.

One more thing, if you will care to stay with me. We will be making our best attempt to begin school on August 7th. It may be very hard to do this, not being as beneficial as I would like it to be. But we can't get anything done unless we try. We also can't wail until I am through with this in October. Even if we only finish half of what I have planned that will be half more than if we didn't do anything. Pray for us that we will be able to get the most of the time that I am able to teach. Also, pray that I won't be stressed about what we aren't doing. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to stay on top of all the children's school work. With four children on different grade levels I stay busy even when I have energy. I'm not sure how this is going to work but we will try our best. I just need to not panic if we fall behind. I can hear Doug Reminding me that I wrote this. I enter each year with a sense of having bitten off more than I can chew. Each year God gives strength. He tells us that in our weakness He is made strong. This should be our greatest year! This makes me eager to see how he will work.

May God be Glorified,
Mary


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