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Mary's Journal: July 3

I have been feeling good, almost normal (except for the top of my head) the past few days. It is good to have a time of feeling good but it makes going for the next chemo hard. I feel good before we go and I know I won't when we get home. That is hard for me but I try not to think about it much.

We have good news. The doctor didn't see a thing on the x-rays. He said that if he didn't know that I had cancer he would say that I am fine. I asked him that since we can't see the cancer after two treatments if we could just do two more and call it quits. He didn't like that idea, darn.

More good news. The IV went in easily this time. Praise God. I almost feel that the stupid IV is as bad as the Chemo. The other wonderful thing is that after telling the nurse that I had a bad reaction the last time, headache mostly, she put the Cytoxan drip very slow and I didn't experience any head ache this time. I still am not able to process information very quickly but that just give Doug something to laugh about. The only trouble with that would be the drug also makes me more moody, like I was during puberty. Remember that Dad? :-) Look at me wrong and you take a chance of making me cry. I know in my head that I shouldn't be like this and tell myself that often. I just can't seem to do anything about it.

One funny thing. I bought a wig but didn't tell the kids. The next morning I put it on and came down for breakfast. Elizabeth didn't hesitate in the least to give me her opinion, "That's weird, take it off." Oh well, so much for impressing her with my dazzling wig.

The doctor told me tonight about a young man, in the hospital with the same cancer, in the same area. His has invaded his heart. The doctors says he should be fine in the end but his road will be difficult. Every time I hear of someone with a cancer mine is always the better one to have. I am so grateful that God has been gentle with me. I know that he has allowed this into my life to work his good purpose. I welcome His working but I thankful that this cancer is treatable, I have the benefit of the doctors knowledge of how to treat side effects and that the cancer was still totally contained, not invading surrounding areas. I really can't whine about this at all. Though I am a bit put out that my doctor tells me I can't go to Florida, to visit Nancy, because it interferes with treatments but he is on a cruise and in three week when I go back he will be in the Bahamas. Now, does that seem fair to you? Who said life isn't fair? Oh well, I guess I'll have to go later.

Thank you once again for all those who are praying for us. Continue to remember the children as this continues to be difficult for them.

Praising God for a good treatment and his answered prayers,

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